Reflections: Motherhood

*First of series of personal insights

Not a girl, Not yet a woman

I used to think I had the answers to everything
But now I know
That life doesn’t always go my way
Feels like I’m caught in the middle
That’s when I realize.

 

I’m not a girl, not yet a woman
All I need is time, a moment that is mine
While I’m in between
I’m not a girl.

 

There is no need to protect me
Its time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own
I’ve seen so much more than you know now
So don’t tell me to shut my eyes

 

But if you look at me closely
You will see it in my eyes
This girl will always find her way.

(I’m not a girl) I’m not a girl, don’t tell me what to believe
(Not yet a woman) I’m just trying to find the woman in me, yeah
(All I need is time) Oh, all I need is time
(A moment that is mine) That’s mine
While I’m in between
I’m not a girl, not yet a woman, no, no
All I need is time, a moment that is mine
While I’m in between
I’m not a girl, ooh
Not yet a woman.

as a 20 year old mother, time has fast-forwarded and

brought me to living the responsibilities of a 30 year old

and older. this is hard for me. I am missing on the good

times the world can offer me. going out to bars, eating

sushi, shopping nonstop, traveling, and all things that a

single woman should be rewarding herself. i am limited to

doing those things because i have a child to worry and think

about now. there’s someone depending on me and needs my

attention day and night; all week.forever. i can’t just leave

my son to anyone, even if they’re willing, and go out and

have some fun. these were my worries at first. come on, i

was just ending my teenage years and really itching for

adulthood. but then again, yes I’m not a girl, not yet a

woman. I’m still in between. i can still have fun and be able

to take care of my son and give him his needs. i owe it to

myself. if I’m not happy, how can i have the energy to put up

with the hardships of motherhood? the key is balance. yes I

made a mistake for not waiting (and not using protection!

lol) but i believe that’s my fate. i just have to deal with it

now and move on. =D

I love my son. He means the world to me. i can’t imagine my

life without him anymore. <333